


Too Close, Too Far

by infinityworried



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ballet Dancer Peter Parker, Bartender Bucky Barnes, M/M, Mechanic Bucky Barnes, Mutual Pining, Peter is 21, Songfic, Stripper Peter Parker, fic playlist linked, smut in later chapters, strip club au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-07 02:18:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20301820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinityworried/pseuds/infinityworried
Summary: Both Peter and Bucky had dreams bigger than this, but nothing is as simple as they wish it was. Peter wanted to perform, dance on stage and move people with the emotion he put into it, Bucky wanted to work with Bikes, feel the thrill of hearing an engine running right again. For now they’re stuck working at a strip club in New York, Peter as a dancer, Bucky as a bartender-come-bouncer and just trying to enjoy the good things they do have, but even that becomes hard when boundaries are crossed and the lines of trust and friendship are blurred, and what about if difficult pasts very suddenly catch up.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Song - AC/CD - You Shook Me All Night Long  
Full fic playlist - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5a092j0TZxxZLsMx7mcHMj?si=X2LiTGrtQ9eyV20Ay22t2A
> 
> \-------
> 
> Nothing in life is simple

He’s mesmerizing, even if Peter hadn’t told him time and time again about the ballet he wished he was doing, Bucky would know the boy was destined to be a dancer just based on how he moved. Even if he was currently swinging his hips to classic rock.

_She was a fast machine_

_She kept her motor clean_

_She was the best damn woman I had ever seen_

Pete always closes with AC/DC, it’s a crowd-pleaser and he loves the fun of it. Clad in daisy dukes, heeled cowboy boots and an American flag tank top that does nothing to cover the red white and blue paint streaked down the center of his chest. He looks both intensely patriotic and like he’d give a republican a heart attack and Bucky can’t help but laugh, making the most of the lull Peters last show gave the bar before closing.

_She had the sightless eyes_

_Telling me no lies_

_Knocking me out with those American thighs_

‘’You might want to be slightly less obvious man.’’

Bucky only half-heartedly glared at Sam, not wanting to take his eyes off Peter.

‘’You look like you belong sat in the crowd, holding a fistful of ones and trying to hide your dick with your suit jacket,’’ Sam jeered.

‘’It’s not like that,’’ Bucky said shortly.

‘’Suuuure. Sure it’s not, I too stare at twinks in their underwear… Just because,’’ Bucky could hear the eye roll.

‘’I’m not staring… I’m admiring,’’ he said lamely.

‘’And I’m a princess’’ came the scoffed reply.

Bucky ignored him, intent on watching the way Peter peeled the tank top off himself.

_Taking more than her share_

_Had me fighting for air_

Peters long slender legs wrapped around the pole with such control and ease that it looked effortless, but Bucky knew the strength it took, the balance.

‘’I mean, you have to admit it’s impressive, I couldn’t do it, none of us could,’’ Bucky reasoned.

Sam seemed to think for a second before clapping Bucky on the shoulder, ‘’ no you’re right, but I think ‘huh, I wish _I _was that flexible,’ and then carry on, not ‘huh, I wish Peter Parker would give me a private show of how flexible he is.’ ‘’

Bucky threw the washcloth at Sam in retaliation, hearing him just catch it and laugh. He didn’t have a good response. Denial or agreement would feel wrong. His eyes flicked up to Peter’s face, seeing the teasing smile, the subtly lined eyes; as he was admiring the way Peters curls fell over his forehead the young man met his eye and winked, smile spreading into a cheeky grin.

_She told me to come but I was already there_

‘_Cause the walls were shaking_

_The earth was quaking_

_My mind was aching_

He felt the blush rise up his neck and into his cheeks and for the first time turned away from the stage; so sharply however that the glass he was holding slipped out of his hand and shattered on the floor. A few patrons looked up, but most were too captivated by the sight of Peter slowly easing denim over his hips and towards the floor.

As Bucky started cleaning it up he heard Sam sing-songing at him ‘’serves you right for staring.’’

‘’I’m just clumsy.’’

Sam snorts, ‘’yeah, you, the clearly highly trained probably military guy, clumsy. Sounds perfectly believable.’’

Bucky stands back up and Peter is now only in an American flag jockstrap. He’s seen it a hundred times but for the hundredth time Bucky forgets he’s Russian suddenly feels the need to salute.

_And we were making it and you_

_you shook me all night long_

_Yeah you shook me all night long_

It’s cheesy but Bucky is still human and watching Peter roll his body with each line of the chorus to an iconic rock song still has him half hard his jeans like he’s a teenager. Who wouldn’t it affect, he’s incredible.

_Working double time_

_on the seduction line_

‘’You can admit to having a crush on him, Barnes,’’ Sam sighs.

‘’No, I can’t because I don’t. Petes my friend,’’ he mutters, throwing the broken glass away and busying himself sweeping.

‘’That, and I don’t think your boyfriend would like you admitting you’ve got a crush on one of the guys who dances at the club you work at,’’ he snorted.

‘’Sam, he’s a friend. I look out for him,’’ there was a sharper edge to Buckys voice, he really didn’t want Sam to think he had some kind of ulterior motive when it came to Peter.

_She’s was one of a kind, she’s just mine all mine_

Bucky can feel Sams eye on him but he doesn’t turn around, he knows the look, the one where Sam seems to be trying to figure him out. It’s a look he gets pretty often, he’s not exactly an open book, but right now he’s worried he’d give everything away.

After what seems like forever Sam goes back to wiping down counters ‘’either way, he’s got you wrapped around his little finger.’’

_Wanted no applause_

_just another course_

_Made a meal out of me and came back for more_

‘’Not in a bad way… I just care about him.’’

‘’So you keep saying.’’

Bucky brushed Sam off, eyes back on Peter who was into the full swing of his routine, sweat beading on his chest, cheeks flushed, he’s clearly enjoying himself. That’s one of the things he admires about Peter, even though he’s not where he wants to be, he enjoys himself, takes the fun of at least getting to be on stage and show how talented he is.

_Had to cool me down_

_To take another round_

Peters six years younger than him yet he’s already better at living his life than Bucky is. Every time he gets close to making plans to spend more time with bikes, more time doing what he loves, he manages to talk himself out of it or something comes up and the plans go on the backburner again.

He’s a bit of a coward, he knows that, but Bucky is content really. He has a boyfriend, he got a new arm, courtesy of Stark Industries program to help amputees, he does enjoy his job, his life is pretty simple, especially compared to how it used to be.

_Now I’m back in the ring to take another swing_

He has good friends, Sam and Steve both work at the club too, so does Peter. They all have a good laugh in and out of work.

He’s sure however that the carefree smile on Peter’s face shouldn’t warm him in the way that it does, no matter how many times he tells himself that he’s just happy that his friend is happy. His life is pretty good all-round, so this silly little feeling can be ignored.

‘_Cause the walls were shaking_

_The earth was quaking_

_My mind was aching_

He hums along, swinging his own hips a little to the music as whistles scatter through the crowd, eyes on Peter, a more gentle smile tugging at his lips.

_We were making it and you_

_Shook me all night long_

_Yeah you shook me all night long_

Peter never fails to draw a good crowd on Friday nights. He never fails to draw a crowd full stop. There people who only come to see Peter, who pay ahead of time for lapdances from him, just to make sure they get one. Bucky would say it was a little sad, but he planned his schedule to make sure he’s working the bar on nights Peter has individual shows so he can see him perform, and works security when Peters doing private dances.

He’s just looking out for him.

_You knocked me out and then you_

_Shook me all night long_

Peter has had so many ones tucked into the jockstrap that they’re slipping over each other and right back out, fluttering onto the stage, but Peter navigates them with ease, Friday nights pay his rent and it’s easy to see why.

He can see Peter mouthing along to the words as he runs his fingers through his mess of curls, back arched, showing off the long line of his body and how his sweat has made the red white and blue paint stream down his body, the droplets following the dips of his stomach and the curve of his hips.

_You had me shakin’ and you_

_Shook me all night long_

Peters show ends with applause and Steve along with one of the other bouncers push the front doors open as an invitation for people to leave, the house lights slowly flicking on, making the whole place look instantly less sexy.

As Sam moves to start cleaning up in the main floor Bucky pours a glass with lemonade and slips into the back room where the dancers leave all their things.

_Yeah you shook me_

_Well you took me_

‘’Here you go, Pete,’’ Bucky hums, putting the drink down by Peter’s elbow where he’s peering in the mirror, trying to get the last of the makeup from around his eyes.

‘’Cheers Buck. You wanna grab some food once everything’s cleaned up, we haven’t done 3am pizza in a while,’’ he offers.

Peter's face is still pink from the night’s work and there are a few smudges of paint that he didn’t quite get that run down into the waistband of the sweats he’s pulled on. He’s so open, everything about his expression the way he talks is welcoming; Bucky thinks maybe that’s why he finds Peter so engaging, he’s the polar opposite to himself.

_You really shook me and you_

‘’Sounds like a great idea, I’ll just help Sam clean up then I’m all yours.’’

Peter grins, bright and wide at him, ‘’good.’’

_Shook me all night long_

Bucky manages to tear himself away and goes back to cleaning, humming to himself as he stacks chairs and sweeps up confetti.

As he’s finishing up he gets a text.

>> Spencer: You’re coming back to mine tonight, right. I feel like I’ve hardly seen you. My friends keep saying you’re probably going to run off with some stripper. Besides, we need to talk about moving again.

Bucky bites his lip, he knows he’s been a little distant, he knows Spencer has been getting more and more bothered by the time he’s spending at the club, she doesn’t trust the people there, judges them. He feels guilty, the better friends he became with everyone, the more annoyed Spencer had gotten. Complaining that he was pushing him away. That’s why Spencer wants to move, wants Bucky to find a job doing security somewhere more normal.

>> Bucky: I don’t wanna talk about it at 3am, besides, you know I want that money to go towards finding a place I can set up a shop.

>> Spencer: Fine, we don’t have to talk, but please just come to mine.

Bucky glances towards the back where Peter is shoving his things into his bag.

_Oh you_

‘’Sam, you alright walking Peter home tonight?’’

‘’I mean yeah, but don’t you usually walk him back,’’ he says, he knows the Friday night routine.

‘’Well yeah, but…’’ he waves his phone.

‘’Oh right. Yeah, of course I can,’’ he says, there’s an edge to his voice like he wants to ask more questions.

>> Bucky: Okay. I’m almost done. I’ll head right over.

>> Spencer: I’m already outside.

Bucky looks up, his eyes first meeting Peters who’s standing in the doorway to the back room, a soft smile on his lips before his eyes move over to the door, where he can see Spencer stood outside, eyeing the place suspiciously.

_Shook me all night long_

Bucky wipes down the last table and forces himself not to look back at Peter as he grabs his coat and heads for the door, pulling out his phone.

>> Bucky: Hey, Pete. I got some stuff I need to do. Sams gonna walk you home, enjoy that Pizza for me.

_Yeah, yeah, you_

_Shook me all night long_

He shoves his phone back his pocket so he doesn’t have to see any kind of response and goes to Spencer, letting his boyfriend curl and hand around his arm as they walk off towards the bridge.

–

Peter was about to follow after Bucky, figuring he was going outside to wait when his phone pings with a text.

It probably shouldn’t feel like as much of a slap to the face as does, but he can’t help the way his shoulders drop.

_You really took me and you_

‘’Hey Pete, you ready to go?’’ Sam asks.

Peter realizes he was staring at the door, watching Bucky turn the corner and walk away.

Buckys busy, he shouldn’t be so disappointed, everyone has things to do sometimes.

He nods and smiles at Sam, making his way out and waiting as Sam locks up.

_And you shook me, you really shook me_

He looks around at the quiet street and his stomach drops, just catching sight of Bucky going around the next corner with Spencer on his arm.

Bucky wasn’t busy, he was just going to see his boyfriend.

_All night long_


	2. Swelling Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an emotional filler chapter to fill in Peters ending in the last chapter and then moves off from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Dean Lewis - Waves [JordanXL Remix]  
Full fic playlist - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5a092j0TZxxZLsMx7mcHMj?si=5_sXjh2bT-q9iR6waNN2bg  
\-----

Nothing feels right, every time he looks at Bucky his vision is blurred with the memory of realizing the lie.

_There is a swelling storm_

He knows it’s a small issue, really. It should be inconsequential. It probably would be if Peter wasn’t so head over heels for Bucky. Peter’s brain has always worked a mile a minute but this is on another level, he’s trying to reconcile that Bucky lied while also not understanding _why._

_And I’m caught up in the middle of it all_

He knows he’s off his game, that his shows and lap dances haven’t been as good as they normally would be, although he doubts any of the patrons have noticed. As long as Peter shakes his hips and takes his clothes off, they couldn’t care less about the inner turmoil of the stripper in their lap, why would they, this crux of this job is about lack of personal connections, it’s not like any of them are going to want to figure out what’s going on in his head.

No one wants a stripper with baggage.

_And it takes control of the person that I thought I was_

His friends have clearly noticed though, even if they’ve not said anything directly. Clint and Wanda, have been checking in on him pretty much every time they have a break between private dances, even if it’s just to give him a smile or squeeze his hand. Steve has walked him home each night and keeps up the chat enough for the two of them. Natasha has reminded him three times in the week since the incident that she is the only bouncer with a gun and will hurt whoever has made Peter look so glum if needs be.

They clearly have no idea what’s going on, but they know Peter is off.

Sam, however, is different, he seems torn between being extra protective of Peter and putting distance between them because he knows it’s about Bucky.

Peter himself can’t decide where he sits either; he swings between a sadness he knows is pathetic over the fact that Bucky clearly just wanted to spend time with his boyfriend rather than him because _why wouldn’t he _and being angry that Bucky lied, even if he doesn’t know why. Either way, the swirls of emotion aren’t nice, but he doesn’t know what to do.

_The boy I used to know_

Even his practice has been off, he stands in the studio just looking in the mirror, he’ll go through the warm-ups but then he just has no inspiration, not even to dance. Eventually, he’ll call himself a drama queen and force himself to do a routine he’s done a million times, just to feel like he’s done something.

_But there is a light in the dark_

_And I feel it’s warmth_

_In my hands, in my heart_

But still, every time he looks at Bucky his heart leaps in just the way it always has. 

Bucky, after realizing the next night that something was off with Peter, has gone quiet. He still brings Peter his lemonade, still claps after each of his shows, still waves goodbye to Peter as he and Steve head out the door, but he does it all wordlessly.

_But why can’t I hold on_

Peter wonders what Bucky thinks is wrong, and hopes he doesn’t know.

_Cause it comes and goes in waves_

He’s 21 dammit, he’s not a kid, he shouldn’t be pining over a man he can’t have. A man who’s taken and probably wouldn’t want him anyway.

He _knows _it’s pointless and pathetic.

_It always does_

Yet the ache in his chest is still there. 

He still manages to smile back though.

Bucky hasn’t really done anything wrong.

_It always does_

_Waves_

_It comes and goes in waves_

After a week, Peter decides he needs to sort himself out, that he _should _be past this, so he will be. He thinks about the fact that he’s known since the day they’d met that he’d never have Bucky, so why is he being so dramatic about this now? 

Just because he’s finally seen Bucky’s boyfriend?

Just because he had to realize that he was living in a bit of a fantasy world where he got all of Bucky’s attention, where he was the most important thing.

He feels almost ashamed of it now, realizing just how delusional he was.

He probably deserves and needs the reality check.

It’s that that eventually pushes him to sort himself out, or at least pretend he’s sorted himself out.

_Through the wind_

_Down to the place we used to lay when we were kids_

Bucky has such a hard exterior; tattoos on one arm, the other metal, long messy hair and a general body language that screams ‘don’t fuck with me’ even if his friends know that as guarded as Bucky is, he’s gentle and loyal. Peter knows Bucky now, knows his expressions and how to read him, and he can see the confusion in Bucky’s dark eyes.

_Memories of a stolen place_

_Caught in silence_

_An echo lost in space_

He feels selfish, he’s ripped away their routine and comfortable companionship over his childish crush. Night after night he’s been avoiding Bucky’s gaze. 

Bucky, because he’s… Well, Bucky, respects the sudden new boundaries Peter has put in place. He doesn’t hug Peter, he doesn’t tease him, don’t ask how practice has been, or to see any of it. There’s none of what they usually have and he can see it’s hurting Bucky.

_And the freedom of falling_

So the next evening, as he walks into work he takes a deep, steadying breath, feeling it fill his lungs and settle his heart just enough as he walks past the bar.

‘’Hey Buck.’’

He feels both Sam and Bucky freeze in place, but just keeps walking, head down. into the back room.

As he starts getting ready he keeps his attention on anything going on at the bar; normally he can hear them talking, he finds Bucky’s voice soothing. Now he can hear they’re talking, but blatantly whispering and he can’t make any of it out.

_And the feeling I thought was set in stone_

As the night goes on Peter manages, somehow, probably out of pure fear of never getting back what he had with Bucky before, keeps his resolve. He grins at Bucky as he goes on stage at the start of the night, makes eye contact with him when Bucky glances up to check on him.

_It slips through my fingers_

_And I’m trying hard to let go_

He even manages to wink at Bucky during his last dance of the night, trying to make it seem as friendly and casual as he possibly can, even though it feels so unnatural.

_But it comes and goes in waves_

_Cause it comes and goes in waves_

_It always does, It always does_

It’s exhausting.

As he slumps into his chair at the mirror he feels both heavier and lighter at the same time; the weight of faking it and the lightness at having seen Bucky perk up so much at the change in him. He’s tired though.

_waves_

_It comes in just waves_

He almost cringes as he thinks more about how delusional he was, he had practically been treating Bucky like he was his boyfriend, only to have that shattered. He’s not allowed to feel this bad about it.

_I’ve watched my wild youth_

_Disappear in front of my eyes_

Peter jumps as Bucky appears at his elbow. He looks nervous, like he’s not sure if he should be there, but Peter musters a smile for him.

‘’Your lemonade,’’ he says, placing the glass down next to him, a clearly tenuous smile on his face.

_Moments of magic and wonder_

The familiarity warms Peter, he realizes how much he’s missed it, even in just a few days and manages to smile up at him, more real this time.

‘’Thanks, Buck, I think there’s something up with the aircon in there, I’m even sweatier than usual.’’

He knows it’s stilted, awkward, the most words they’ve spoken to each other in a week, but he’s lost for anything else to say.

He blinks up at Bucky and god, for how intimidating Bucky can be, he looks so unsure of himself right now.

_It seems so hard to find_

Guilt takes the place of the confusion and shame; he’s upset Bucky when he hasn’t really done anything wrong. He was clearly just trying to say something more polite than ‘I want to hang out with my boyfriend’ by telling Peter he had things to do. He’s thrown Bucky off, made him think he’s done something wrong by just living his life.

_Is it ever coming back again_

‘’I wanted to say-’’

_Is it ever coming back again_

Peter sees confusion in the crease of Bucky’s brow again.

What does he think Peter is going to say?

Really, Bucky does deserve an explanation.

_Take me back to the feeling when_

‘’I wanted to say, I was thinking since we’ve all got next Monday off for the renovation work Bruce is having done in here, we should all go out…’’

_Everything was left to find_

He’s a coward. He’d mentioned the idea to Steve the night before, but more just so he was saying something rather than as anything substantial.

_It comes and goes in waves_

‘’Everyone, you know, it’s been a while since we’ve done that… The more the merrier… Partners too… If you like,’’ he’s not sure where this is coming from, it’s just sort of happening, as a way to make things feel normal.

_It comes and goes it waves_

Suddenly he can’t read Bucky, it’s like walls go up, but just as quickly as it happens it’s gone, and the grin Peter has only ever seen a handful of times spreads over Bucky’s face. It doesn’t seem to quite reach his eyes though, the creases that usually form around them, crinkling them in the most adorable way aren’t the same.

_It always does_

‘’Sounds great! Yeah, it’s been ages since we’ve all done something together,’’ Bucky says and claps Peter on the shoulder.

The actions are normal, the feeling is not.

_It always does_

Bucky eyes him before he speaks again, Peter pretends he doesn’t notice.

‘’You’re sure about bringing partners too… I know sometimes we like it being just us,’’ he says, it’s obvious he’s struggling how to put it.

_Waves_

‘’Of course, it’d be nice to have everyone around properly, you know, in a normal setting, not a strip club, to at least make us look like a normal lot, I’ve missed just hanging out with… Everyone’’ Peter manages, laughing weakly.

_It comes in just waves_

This time the smile is real and Peter feels like he’s been kicked in the chest.

‘’Perfect, me too, Pete. Me too,’’ Bucky is practically bouncing as he leaves.

_It comes in just waves_

Peter decides there and then that no matter what it’ll be fine if he can keep making Bucky smile like that.

_Waves_


	3. Who Needs a Friend When I've Got You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes understanding isn't better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter song - Your Body Is a Weapon by The Wombats  
Full fic playlist - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5a092j0TZxxZLsMx7mcHMj?si=tDTuz5_DQyq3rp3Ca5dVhw

‘’You look like a puppy who’s just been told he’s going for a walk,’’ Sam tells him.

‘’You heard that?’’

‘’The music is off and that wall is just plasterboard, so yes Barnes, of course I heard it,’’ he says with an eye roll.

Bucky shrugs him off and finishes off cleaning up, but he’s bouncing on his toes.

_Sometimes I like to go uptown_

‘’Well this is better than the kicked puppy look you’ve been sporting for most of the week,’’ Sam’s teasing, but there’s a genuine tone to it.

‘’I didn’t look like a kicked puppy. I just didn’t know what was going on, it was confusing,’’ Bucky argues.

‘’I saw you pout.’’

‘’No you didn’t, I don’t pout.’’

_Where flashy people flash around_

‘’Apparently you do when it comes to the kid.’’

Bucky levels him with a glare, ‘’look, I thought I’d done something wrong and didn’t know how to fix it, but you just heard, Pete’s fine. There must have been something else going on.’’

_It’s _ _extortionate_ _ and I don’t care_

‘’Yeah, sure, that’s why _you’re _the one he’s avoided all week.’’

Bucky stops, he’s tried not to think too hard about that fact, but since Sam was brought it up, it did beg the question. He looks at him more closely, ‘’ do you know something I don’t, Sam?’’

Sam takes a moment, clearly mulling it over, ‘’I don’t know… Honestly, Buck, I don’t. I know you’re not one for talking about your problems but maybe don’t ignore this one. It seems like there is something to do with you. You said yourself he’s not looked at you at all, stopped letting you walk him home.’’

Bucky shoves his hands in his pockets, Sam’s right, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

_You can taste the pretence in the air_

‘’I’m not saying push it with him, because _clearly,_ he doesn’t want to talk about it either, but maybe just… Keep it in mind,’’ he finishes.

Bucky sighs, averting his eyes from his friend. ‘’Okay, fine, I’ll keep it in mind, but he’s suggested that everyone goes out on Monday, so I’m just going to appreciate that. That he obviously doesn’t _hate_ me,’’ he concedes.

_And I wonder what you’ll wear tonight_

Both their phones go off, it’s a message from Peter about the plan and the positive responses come in quickly, of course they do, one of the perks of working somewhere small is that they all know each other, they all get on. Bucky just smiles at his phone, a little of the fear he’s had for the past week has waned and feels a little of the tension in his shoulders dissipate.

Peter actually smiles at him as they leave this time and Bucky feels his heart rate pick up; he knew he’d missed that, but he wasn’t ready for just how good it would feel to have it back. It leaves him smiling to himself and Sam shoves his shoulder when he spaces out thinking about Peters bright eyes.

_And I wonder what you’ll wear tonight_

‘’Dude…’’

Sam doesn’t have to say anything else for Bucky to know what he’s on about. They just part ways. Today has ended well, he doesn’t want to put a damper on it by talking about the elephant in the room; when Pete was always there, Bucky didn’t have to think about just how much he loved having Peter around, but while he was gone, Bucky had had to face just how much Peter means to him, but for better or worse, he doesn’t think about the specifics too hard. He can’t really afford to.

_Is this such fantasy that I should think_

_Someone like you could love a creep like me_

There’s a note on the counter which he scoops up as he heads for bed.

~ Found some places in Manhatten today, we will talk about it soon, you can’t keep getting out of this ~

Well, there went his mood.

_Your body is a weapon love_

_And it makes me wanna cry_

Instantly he feels guilty, Spencer has been talking about moving in together for months, and Bucky keeps avoiding it, saying things keep coming up, that he wants to keep saving, but really he just… Doesn’t know. He cares about Spencer and he’s a good guy, and as cliche as it sounds even to his own ears, the spark doesn’t feel like it’s there anymore. The excitement they’d had when they met almost two years ago now just isn’t there anymore. They go through the motions, kisses when one or the other leaves in the morning, eating dinner together, staying at each other’s places, but it feels like he’s on autopilot, doing things because after so much chaos in his life, Spencer is solid and grounding and free from the kind of baggage Bucky is used to.

Bucky doesn’t like thinking about how the time he started working at the club and the time things took a turn coincide. They’ve kept things going sure, but it’s strained, it’s not the same. He knows Spencer feels it too, it’s _why _he wants to move, why he wants Bucky to find a different job. Spencer things a change will sort things out for them. He says things like ‘a fresh start’ and ‘a change of scenery’ and maybe he’s right.

But it’s a big maybe, and that’s why Bucky doesn’t know what he wants to do.

He flops into bed and is thankful for the exhaustion sending him off almost instantly.

_My body is a temple of doom_

_Doomed not to be by your side_

In the morning he texts Spencer the plan for Monday and the response takes a while, but he says yes and Bucky hopes that maybe _maybe _if he can bridge the gap between his boyfriend and his work friends it’ll make life easier.

He thinks maybe if he’s confronted with both Peter and Spencer at the same time he’ll be forced to feel the guilt he knows he should when he imagines Peter in his apartment rather than Spencer.

Maybe.

-

_I like my job and I do it well_

_It’s freelance work and it pays like hell_

Monday comes around and they’re all sat at a table at the bar a few blocks away from the club, it’s relaxed and that’s what’s confusing Bucky.

Spencer is… Not behaving how Bucky thought he would, he’s not been withdrawn or quiet like he normally is around Buckys work friends. Quite the opposite in fact; he’s his hand slipped into the corner of Bucky arm, is laughing and joking with his co-workers. He’s telling stories about Bucky, placing kisses on his jaw and cheek. It’s not that it’s _bad _in some way, it’s just that Spencer hasn’t been like this is months and Bucky can’t remember the last time Spencer was ever this touchy-feely with him.

He tries to relax though, enjoy it for what it is, but on top of Spencers sudden shift in behavior, he can _feel _Peter looking at him. He can feel those big brown eyes gazing at him, he always can, but now, with his boyfriend pressed up against him it makes his gut twist. Normally when he feels Peter looking at him he turns, winks, maybe asks ‘watcha lookin’ at doll’, lets his Brooklyn drawl weigh heavy so Peter blushes. He can’t do that now.

_But I could get us a place with one bedroom_

He does realize just how much he’d allowed himself to push the boundaries with Peter. He just becomes very aware of how starkly differently Peter and Spencer respectively make him feel. Spencer is all up against him yet he can feel Peter in a more real way just by having him close. On Spencer’s is it’s dull, repetitive. On Pete’sr is it’s hypersensitive, his skin prickles just from the proximity

_Who needs a friend when I’ve got you_

Peter’s gaze feels like it weighs a tonne and Bucky knows for sure now that whatever has had the young man so off this week, it’s definitely to do with him.

Well, he knew before, he just hadn’t wanted to confront it.

But it’s scary because he still doesn’t know _what it is_.

_Your body is a weapon, love_

He wants to ask, but he can’t, not here.

_and it makes me wanna cry_

So while everyone else talks and laughs and has fun, the something that stretches between he and Peter makes it all feel like it’s coming through a haze.

The only thing he can focus on is how Peter is looking at him and how he’s pointedly not looking at Peter.

_My body is a temple of doom_

_Doomed not to be by your side_

After what feels like an eternity he extricates himself from Spencer goes to the bathroom, splashing his face and trying to pull himself together. So what if Peter is looking at him. If he doesn’t know why, why should it bother him.

_And I don’t come here for the exclusivity_

_I just come here for the view_

It shouldn’t.

_And the minuscule chance of some close proximity_

But it does because he knows there is _something._

_Or an awkward conversation with you_

Peter has created it here, but exactly what _it_ is and what _it _means is a total mystery. An infuriating, anxiety-inducing mystery.

_Yeah that’d be cool_

He eventually forces himself back to towards the table but is still so inside his head he almost misses Peter walking towards him, but just in time manages to catch his arm.

‘’Pete, where are you-’’

_Your body is a weapon love_

Peter yanks his arm away, violently enough that a few people at the bar look up.

_And it rips me up inside_

‘’Home. I’m tired,’’ Peter says, eyes on the floor in contrast to how he’s been for the majority of the night.

_My body is a temple of doom_

‘’This was your idea, Pete. It’s only 9;30,’’ Bucky says, keeping his voice as light and friendly as he can, but really he’s worried. He’s worried about what he’s done, but mostly about Peter. Peter’s the most outgoing of all of them, he’s the center of any room, both at work and out of it and seeing him so distant is strange, and scary.

Peter grimaces, ‘’yeah, sorry-’’

‘’- You don’t need to be sorry, Pete… I’m just-’’ Bucky tries to find the appropriate way to phrase his concern but his pause gives Peter a moment to slip away, moving towards the door.

_Doomed not to be_

‘’Just not feeling great. Um, enjoy the night… You and Spencer seem to be having a lot of fun.’’

Peters eyes flick up to Bucky’s face for a moment and Bucky’s stomach drops at the sight of tears shining in Peter’s eyes.

_Doomed not to be by your side_

Before Bucky can say anything, get together any kind of coherent response or even thought together, Peter is out the door, leaving Bucky in shock and even more worried as he makes his way back to the table. He racks his brain for what he’s done, how he’s hurt Peter so badly, and the fact that he really doesn’t know is terrifying but there is clearly something going on in Peter’s head; if Bucky had just done something wrong Peter surely wouldn’t be so fixated on him now, he’d just be angry, ignore him.

_Someone protect me from the one I love_

_Someone protect me from the one I love_

To top of the weirdness of his night, Spencer shifts again. He still laughs and chats with the others, but the most contact he makes with Bucky for the rest of the night is when their knees accidentality brush under the table.

_Someone protect me from the one I love_

On the way home Spencer is quiet and Bucky is in no mood to try and figure out what the hell has been going on, so they prepare for bed and climb into it in silence.

_Someone protect me from the one I love_

Bucky lies awake for what might be 5 minutes or 3 hours, but eventually picks up his phone.

To; Sam

>> Bucky: I think I’m going insane.

_Someone protect me from the one I, one I love_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update about updates 
> 
> The fic is going to be cut from the 25+ plus chapters I had planned to probably just 4 more.
> 
> I had a much longer plot planned but I’ll be cutting it down to just a shortish mutual pinning thing with a resolution. There will be a few plot points like Buckys past and Peters dreams to do ballet that will be left as loose ends but there’s kinda nothing I can do about that without it looking really forced and rushed and I want this fic to still be alrightish and have a regular pace 🤷♀️
> 
> As much as I loved the ideas I’ve had, I put so much time and effort into writing TCTF and while I know worth isn’t tied to praise or notes it’s kinda hard to find motivation for it at the moment, especially when it takes up so much of my creative brain space. My first venture into multi chapter has just shown me why I don’t do multi chapter lmao and I’ll stick to writing one shot porn.
> 
> Yeah also there probably won’t be any porn in this one sorry 🤷♀️
> 
> I’ll hopefully be turning out the last few chapters over the next few days and I’ll be posting them in pretty quick succession so I can get it out the way.
> 
> Maybe I’ll come back to this in the future when I have more free time and will feel less under pressure from it.
> 
> Sorry. It’ll be back to the regularly scheduled programming of filth tho.


End file.
